


The Equinox

by SilentYume



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Comics), Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types, Thor - Fandom
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Character Death, Loki Angst, Loki Feels, M/M, Other, Poor Loki, Tissue Warning, Tragedy, Tragedy: Death of a Brother, Warning: Loki
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-11-08
Updated: 2012-11-08
Packaged: 2017-11-18 05:23:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/557340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilentYume/pseuds/SilentYume
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I was sitting beside him in his bed. His face was already covered with cloth. 'He would never wake up again.' those were the words that my mind made me realize. Tears were pouring out of my eyes as I stroke his cold hands, I held onto it tightly, and I kept on breathing in and out. "I always needed him, and he was always there for me..."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: This story will have Implied Character Death
> 
> It is told in a series of flashbacks
> 
> This is more of a Brotherly Love than Slash
> 
> " NOT YET" BETA'ED
> 
> Thor belongs to Marvel

****

* * *

**  
**   


**"I always needed him, and he was always there for me..."**

* * *

I felt myself shiver as the cold wind brushes against my cheeks while my breath smoke in the frigid air. I rub my palms together and blew into it as I walk along the street. The bright Christmas lights are flickering in every store I pass through and I could hear faint sounds of people singing songs of carol. I could see everyone around me were rushing to get back to their homes, some of them were carrying their last-minute Christmas presents they were going to give to their love ones.

_Breathe in, Breathe out_

I couldn't help but feel envy. They say Christmas is the time of giving and yet for me, Christmas is a dreaded and painful holiday. For Christmas time was the day something precious to me got taken away and so every year on the night of Christmas Eve, I mourn for that precious person that my eyes could never lay again.

_Breathe in, Breathe out_

* * *

_"Brother" a small voice whispered and echoed around the dark room of the hospital. I looked up and saw my brother smiling softly at me through his oxygen mask. He looked so frail lying in his bed with all those machines hooked up all over his body._

_"Is there something you need brother?" I asked as I brushed a lock of his hair that was covering one of his eyes._

_"I want to celebrate Christmas with you..." he whispered. "I want to go and eat lots of food and go sight seeing..."_

_"But, brother... your health..."_

_"Please?" He looked up to me with such pleading eyes that I couldn't say no. "I want to get out of here... It might be my last chance to go outside... "_

_I gave a pained smile as I kissed his forehead. "Okay, then. Let's get you out of this dreaded place and together we will go out and have fun!" I tried to sound cheery but my voice came out dry and dull._

_I saw him looking at me with a big smile on his face and I knew I can never say no to him._

* * *

I turn to the corner and saw the gate of the cemetery. I walk inside the gates, all the while passing through graveyards and as I hear my footsteps echo through the silence and the snow falling around me covering the ground in white, I can't help to think that it made my walk seems more lonelier.

_Breathe in, Breathe out_

I looked back at the times that we spent together. He was always with me when I go to my "adventures", he was like a shadow that was always by my side and not once did I hear him complain. He was always there for me and I can't help but wonder if in the times that he needed me... was I was there for him?

_Breathe in, Breathe out_

But, I knew that there was nothing that can be done now. It was already too late for regrets. There were times that I imagine that when I wake up the next morning, Everything was just a dream and I will see him in the kitchen eating breakfast and scolding me that I woke up late again.

_Breathe in, Breathe out_

10 years has passed since then and yet, those memories are still fresh in my mind. I still feel like there was something missing inside of me... I feel so lost without him.

* * *

_It was cold, but we were happy just by spending the day together. It has been so long since he was able to go out of that hospital. He lived half of his life in there because of his sickly body and I'm glad to see his happiness bloom in his face._

_Suddenly a harsh cough broke through my musing, I turned around and saw my brother coughing, his breathing was labored and I could see his form was starting to tremble. I could already see that he was getting tired._

_"I think we should go back brother..." I urged as I hold him close for warmth. "You're starting to get a fever..."_

_He shakes his head as his wheezing ceased. "No... I... we're still not finish... " he looked up to me, his face was starting to get flushed from fever. I could feel tears starting to form in my eyes. I wanted to say no... but, I just can't do that to my brother. "please Thor..."_

_"Okay, brother..." I smiled as I ruffled his hair. "But, you have to let me carry you okay? So that you won't tire yourself anymore."_

_He nods and I bend down so that I could carry him on my back._

_"So!" I shouted as I try to break the suffocating silence that surrounded us. "We should go and eat some dinner! I went to that restaurant that I saw in a magazine, I reserved us some sits. They say that they have great food there so I'm sure that we will enjoy ourselves there!" I rambled, I could hear his breathing was starting to get more heavier and labored. "- and after that we should go to the square! I heard they were doing a Christmas Special presentation I'm sure you would like - "_

_"Thank you... Thor."_

_his voice was small and I barely heard it, but it struck my heart more than anything else. I knew then that this was happening... and yet, I chose to ignore reality._

_"Ah, ah... don't worry about it. I'm your big brother! Of course I'll always be here for you!" I chuckle as I could feel warm drops of water slide down on my cheeks. Was it raining?_

_"yeah..." I could hear in his voice that he was smiling._

_"Now, where was I? - oh, yes! You should see the square brother! it is beautiful! there are- "_

_With that, I continued on rambling about everything and anything, just so that I can ignore the impending reality... and without noticing it, the snow started to fall once again._

* * *

I felt my knees go weak as I fell down on the ground. The headstone before me was covered in snow, but I can still see the words that were engraved in it.

_Here Lies_

_Loki Odinson_

_"It is not length of life, but depth of life.  
He jumped into life and never touched bottom"_

_Beloved Son_

_Beloved Brother_

I stared at his grave stone and felt all my anguish flow through me like raging water. I keep repeating the words "I'm sorry" for I know that as long as I live I can never say it enough. My mind was consumed with thoughts of him. Every memories - may it be sad or happy - flash through my mind like a movie that keeps on repeating. The one memory that strike my heart the most was during that time...

* * *

_I was sitting beside him in his bed. His face was already covered with cloth._

_**'He would never wake up again.'**  those were the words that my mind made me realize._

_Tears were pouring out of my eyes as I stroke his cold hands, I held onto it tightly, and I kept on breathing in and out._

**_Keep him warm... he needs to get warm..._ **

_I felt my father's hand clasped on my shoulders. "Thor... we should go now... they need to put him on the morgue..."_

_I shake my head and kept on breathing in and out. He's going far away... My brother is leaving me and I don't want him to be lonely out there... that's why I need to keep warming him up. Desperately, I keep on breathing in and out, Ignoring the cries of my father and mother and everybody else around me._

**_Breathe in, breathe out_ **

**_Warm him up..._ **

* * *

**_TBC_ **


	2. Our Let It Be

 

 

**Chapter 1**

**Our Let it Be**

* * *

Thor Odinson sat quietly on the cold ground as he stared blankly at the grave. The snow fell softly on his head as the cold wind blew past him. normally people would become very bother by the cold and yet he wasn't a bit bother by it. He knew that he should leave, especially since there was snow storm heading towards their town now or at least that's what he heard on the news earlier.

He wasn't a religious man, he never believed that there was a higher power out there. No, he didn't believe that a God up high is watching over him and caring over his problems. There is no such thing as a higher power, things like that doesn't exist. Those are the kinds of things people say to their children, it was something make-believe, like that jolly old man who people call Santa who comes around during this time to bring gifts to good boys and girls around the world. But, if there was a chance- any chance that he could be born once more and be with his brother again. He would be born a new man, and he would make sure to follow the signs until he was by his side.

Thor chuckled quietly, he suddenly had a flashback of that time, that warm summer time when everything seemed perfect for him. Those were the days where his brother wasn't sick- of course, his brother had always been a frail little boy. He was that type of child who easily gets cold if the weather was a little chilly. Yet, that summer time of many years ago was one of Thor's most precious memories.

* * *

_"Hurry Loki! You'll miss it!" A ten-year Thor waved his hand impatiently as he watched his brother huffed tiredly._

_"What is it that you want to show it to me badly, you oaf?" Loki huffed as he wiped the sweat on his forehead with his towel. Thor just grinned, knowing that his brother didn't really meant anything when he called him an 'oaf'. It was only their usual banter after all. He stifled a chuckle when he saw Loki as he glared down at his mud streaked shoes, his brand new white shoes – 'not anymore' Loki thought grimly. Thor just grinned sheepishly, he forgot that Loki was wearing his brand new trainers. After the rain storm recently died down, Thor insisted on taking Loki somewhere on the forest. It was a place he recently found on one of his adventures, and since Loki wasn't able to go outside very much, he thought that this was the chance to show this place to his brother._

_"Well, you won't be able to see it if you don't trust me slow poke." He smiled brightly as he took his brother's hand. "Don't worry! we're very near!"_

_Thor and Loki walked a bit further before they walked into the clearing, they saw a small and slightly abandoned looking cabin standing right in the middle of it. It looked like it was right out of a fairy tale as the sunlight was slightly shaded by the trees. There were different kinds flowers blooming around the cabin and they can hear the water at the small waterfall nearby. There were also long vines hanging from the crooked roof. There was a too big chimney on top of it and as a warm summer breeze brushed through the woods around them and over the clearing the smell of pine and wood smoke pinched their nose. It smelled sharp in comparison to the clear summer air around them but it was also kind of nice, it made this place even more unique._

_"Do you see it Loki? It's a rainbow!" Thor grinned widely as he stared at his brother's awestruck face. "You always said that you always wanted to see one up close, so here you go! "_

_"Wow... Thor, this is amazing!" Loki exclaimed as he stared in wonder at the rainbow. "Thank you- for showing this to me brother." He said shyly as he peaked at Thor. "It made me really happy." He added with a large smile. The smile that always makes Thor to feel happy and proud to be the receiver of that type of smile. This is one of the reasons why Thor loved doing things for his brother, just to see his brother smiling happily at him. He missed Loki's smile, especially since it was starting to get rare._

_Thor shook his head from those thoughts and removed the bag from his shoulders and opened it to grabbed a large blanket and some food._

_"Come brother! I bought some snacks for us to eat." He smiled as he sat down. "and maybe after this we could go and play that game we played the last time we were here - " His ramblings was cut short when he heard a small cough from Loki._

_"Are you alright brother?" He asked worriedly in which Loki just rolled his eyes and smiled. "I'm fine you oaf, it's just a cough and i'm fine if we played that game again." He agreed._

_Thor frowned, but continued on his talk. 'He's just fine.' He thought to himself quietly. 'Loki is right, it's just a cough.'_

_'Nothing will ever happen to him.'_

* * *

_"Suffer and feel the wrath of my mighty hammer you monster!" Thor shouted as he slammed his imaginary hammer down to the ground to defeat the imaginary monster. "Take that!" He huffed out._

_"Thor! Behind you!" Loki shouted before he jumped behind Thor's back and sliced the monsters._

_"Good job, fellow defender!" Thor stated proudly. "Once again the mighty heroes Thor and Loki have defeated the creatures that roams and destroys this peaceful planet."_

_Loki giggled before he plopped down on the ground. "That was fun!" He grinned as Thor laid next to him as they laughed joyfully._

_"Yeah! When I grow up, I wanna defend the world and protect everyone I love!" Thor said as he raised his hand towards the sky. "I want to be a hero that everyone looks up to." He paused and looked upon his brother with a faint pink dusting over his cheeks. "Sounds silly huh?"_

_Loki smiled sincerely at his brother's dream and shook his head, "Nuh-uh. I think it's cool." He proclaimed. "A really brave dream... I don't think I could be like that." He murmured. "What if things like the monsters under the bed comes and attacks?" He asked childishly, of course he still believed in things like monsters in bed._

_"Then I'll defeat them and save you! The Mighty Thor isn't afraid of no monsters under the bed!"_

_"It's still scary though..." Loki whispered quietly. Thor looked at his brother and grasped Loki's hand with his other hand. If he were to be honest with his little brother, he too didn't want to fight any monsters under the bed. He just want to stay here, safe with Loki by his side. If Loki is by his side, then the monsters aren't that scary at all._

_He was about to say something when he noticed that it was already afternoon. "Loki- we should get home." He said as he sat up and helped Loki. "Mother and Father would kill us if we're late for dinner."_

_Loki frowned, "But, I still want to play..." He was rarely allowed to go outside._

_"Don't worry! We'll go here again tomorrow and explore!" Thor smiled reassuringly. "This is going to be our very own secret hiding place where no one can find us! We'll go here and hide when we go outside." He said in excitement, glad to share this special place with his brother_ _._

 _Loki smiled brightly and nodded. "Okay, I'd like that. Let's pinky swear on it!" He said as he raised his little finger. Thor nodded and intertwined his little finger with Loki._ _After that, they went back home with their spirits light and bright._

 _A_ _ll the happy days when they had played were going to last forever_

_Thor's sure of it._

* * *

Years may have passed, but his brother's shadow would always be there and instead of forgetting him and moving on, his love for his brother only seemed to get stronger. He stared silently at his brother's grave as he remembered that awful summer day.

* * *

_Underneath that scorching summer sun, two figures were standing by. Thor could remember the summer heat rays that stabbed holes in his eyes._

_"Sorry, Loki. I can't come with you today." Thor explained as he waved at his friends who was waiting for him. "I forgot that I had to go somewhere."_

_"I want to come with you!" Loki frowned, "I thought, we're going to our secret hiding place! You promised!" He said, his voice getting higher._

_"Well, I'm sorry but I can't." Thor said impatiently. How could he forget that today was the release of the new game he wanted for months?_

_"Then, I'll come with you then." Loki replied. Thor could hear the whine that came out of his friend's mouths. He knew that his friends didn't like Loki. They thought that Loki was weak and fragile, that's why they didn't want him in any of their games._

_"You can't okay?!" He shouted, feeling his patience wearing down. He didn't want to miss his new game. "They don't need weak babies like you there!"_

_Loki made a hurt expression that made Thor felt guilty, but soon crushed it down. No, Loki should know._

_"No, I won't leave you..." He whispered quietly as he grasped Thor's arm. Thor brushed Loki's hand and frowned. "Man, you're annoying." He replied before he walked towards his friends, leaving his brother by the door of their house, never looking back as he left him._

_He wondered what did his brother felt?_

* * *

_Thor sat on a chair besides Loki's bed, they were at the hospital and it made Thor frown deeply. They weren't able to go to their secret hiding place again since Loki got sick once more. 'It was fine though.' Thor thought. As long as Loki becomes healthy again he's sure that they can go to that secret place again. He watched the television silently when Loki quietly spoke up._

_"Hey, do you believe in being born again?" He asked._

_"Being born again?"_

_"Yeah! you're reborn as someone else."_

_"Huh…" Thor mused, he never thought of that._

_"Even if I die, just wait!_ _I'll be reborn and find you so we can be together again._ _Let's play together when I come back, okay?" Loki said with a soft smile as he raised his little finger at Thor as a sign of promise._

_"You... you shouldn't talk like that Loki." Thor frowned as he felt his throat go dry. He didn't like where this conversation was going. "You're not going to die." He shook his head. "You'll live to be an old man with a bunch of babies."_

_Loki didn't replied, but he got that look on his face, something that Thor couldn't place what it was. "Please?"_

_"Fine," Thor muttered as he raised his little finger and intertwined it with his brother._

_It was their promise._

* * *

_It was a cold winter day when his brother departed from this world. The atmosphere was grim as Thor could hear his mother's loud sobs as his father tried to comfort her. They both looked like they aged in a blink of an eye, they looked older than they looked. There were only a few people there, just some relatives and his friends that looked at him with sympathy. But, Thor didn't want their sympathy. Thor knew they didn't really care for his brother. Loki wasn't a sociable person, combining that and being sick all the time, he wasn't able to make friends. No, Thor was his only friend and that was all Loki needed. That was all Thor needed._

_He stared blankly at the opened coffin in front of him, No... he couldn't do this. 'I'm sorry Loki.' He thought as he suddenly took off and ran, not bothering to stop when he heard his mother and father's shouts for him to come back. No, he couldn't stay there. He didn't want to believe it._

_He also couldn't remove the image from his mind._

 

_Quietly you lie_

_In a bed of white_

_With a sigh as you close your eyes_

_Looking so content_

_Pure and innocent_

_Almost as if_

_You're sleeping_

_With that, Thor Odinson ran and never looked back._

* * *

He thought he was the hero, but in the end he was the villain. He ran from the truth with no pause and never looked back. He couldn't even face Loki in the end and now ten years have passed since he visited his brother. Maybe it was too late, but he still wanted to say it to him.

"I'm sorry." He sobbed. Why did his brother had to go? He wasn't ready yet, no. He would never be ready. Why did God had to took his brother's smiling face disappear from him? It was unfair.

Even though his life went on after his brother's death, it seemed as if his life has rot away. 'Having a time machine to turn back time must be nice.' He thought.

Years had flew by, but he never died. He kept on waiting, drawing hopes of 'Maybe someday' even though he knew that he will never see him again.

He tried to kill himself once, but he was a coward who couldn't do it in the end and so, he kept on living. Unable to do anything, he indulged in living. At night, he dreams. Dreams of that summer days where his younger self played with his brother in a carefree way. Dreams before his little brother was taken away from him.

Now at the age of twenty-four, Thor Odinson, a boy no longer waited for his brother once more. Always remembering the figures in that hot summer days in that small little clearing in the forest, a smile that was stretch from ear to ear and a childish voice that says "Let's play together." echoed through his head.

Thor shook his head and stood up. He swore he heard his brother's voice again. He looked around, as if waiting for his brother to appear.

'Such a silly dream.' He stated bitterly before giving one last glance at his little brother's grave. "Goodbye, little brother." He whispered as he left.

* * *

"Hey, are you okay?" Sif asked with an uneasy look on her face as she stared at Thor. She waited for him at the door of his house since she was worried about him. Thor glared at her, 'What was she even doing here?' He thought. Someone liker her wouldn't understand. She never understood Loki- she would surely wouldn't understand what he felt now.

"Go away," Thor replied as he reached for his door.

"Thor, we- we're just worried for you." She stated softly. "It's been years..."

"Oh please, don't pretend like you're sad." He replied as he closed the door behind him, leaving Sif alone outside. He doesn't need anyone's pity or their pretend sadness because in the end, it was all just an act.

"You have to move on, Thor. Or you would never see what future tomorrow holds for you." She stated as I closed the door. It almost made him laugh,

_As if he cared in the slightest._

* * *

Repeating day by day with the same apathetically. He kept on living while he was still alive and breathing, not caring for anyone or anything in this world. He went to his room, ignoring the worried look on his parents face. He curled up and tried to warm himself, he remembered the time when Loki slept on his bed since he was afraid of the monsters, now he still tried to remember that warmth, something that was gone for a long time now, along with his brother's scent.

If he wished for a dream that won't come true, then he would rather be stuck in the past with his memories to keep him. He would rather hold the past than let go of it, to wish to never wake.

Thor Odinson, twenty-four years old and kind no longer. A person who didn't care for anyone or anything anymore.

"Please!" He whispered as he cried again today to a God he never believed in as he clung and reached both of his hands out to that beautiful colored smile.

"Oh god why can't you free me somehow?!" He sobbed as he closed his eyes. With a murmured breath, everything suddenly came to a quiet stop.

* * *

...

...

"Can you hear me?" A voice echoed through his ear as it disappeared.

With his eyes closed, Thor reached out through that summer heat.

* * *

When Thor opened his eyes, he saw something that he never thought he would see again. He was in that little clearing in the forest and he could see his brother's back as he turned to face him.

"Loki..." He whispered as he felt a hot sting on his eyes.

Loki smiled, a smile that didn't reach his eyes. Thor didn't understand, why wasn't Loki happy to see him? He was supposed to be happy. They were together again!

Once more, Thor Odinson - at the age of twenty four prayed to the God he didn't believed in. He prayed that his brother's smile would never be gone from his sight again. He ran towards his brother and reached out his hand.

"I died. I'm sorry." Loki said with a smile. "Shall we say our ' _farewells_?'" He asked softly with a tilt of his head.

 _'NO!'_  Thor thought. ' _Not again. Never again. Don't say them. Please don't say them.'_

"Don't leave me!" He shouted as he reached towards his brother.

Loki's eyes seemed to widen in surprise before he gave out a large bright smile, that smile that consumed most of Thor's mind. Loki reached out his hand and laid it on his brother's cheek.

"If that's your wish."

and with a sudden flash of light, everything disappeared.

* * *

Thor opened his eyes and felt it sting with his tears. He knew it, everything was just another cruel dream. He sat up and wiped the tears that gathered in his eyes. ' _Somehow, this dream was a little bit different.'_  He thought to himself.

"Thor, dinner's ready!" His mother shouted.

Thor groaned, he didn't feel like eating anything, but he stood up and went down. He knew his mother made an effort with her cooking and he didn't want her feelings to get hurt if he rejected her cooking.

When he got to the dining table, Thor had a shock of a lifetime.

Sitting on the table, was non other than his little brother Loki.

* * *

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thor was a bit of a meanie on this chapter huh? I just want to point out that he was a teenager during that time. He had friends, a life. He couldn't just hang out with his little brother all the time. It would be uncool in the eyes of his friends. Surely, he suffered for it in the end.
> 
> I just want to show that after Loki's death, Thor became sort of a recluse to the world.
> 
> And you think everything would be sunshine and daisies? well think again! because more angst will come soon!
> 
> Anyway, sorry for updating so late. You guys would forgive because I made a long chapter right? Right?
> 
> Please review, reviews give me the confidence to write more. If I write more, then you guys would be happy. So comment! Until next time!


	3. Loki's Proof of Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Unbetaed. English is not my native language and I do not claim to be very good at it.

**Chapter 2**

**Loki's Proof of Life**

* * *

When I looked back at the past, I thought about my family. We weren't a big family, there's mother, father, Thor and I. If I close my eyes and concentrate on the memories in my mind, those vague recollections of time long gone clears up.

Father was a very person. He was the kind of person that you don't want to mess with. He was a respectable member of our small community and he was also the protector of our town as the town sheriff. Though he can be strict and very scary at times, whenever he came home after a long's day of work, his steel blue eyes would light up at the sight of his family as we welcome him home. I could remember those times were it was only me and him at home, watching the television. It was rare that I spend some time with my father, especially since he mostly spends his time with my brother, Thor. I couldn't blame him for that. There were only a few things that we had in common. But, during those rare bonding moments, I could tell that he loves me the same as my brother. Whenever I show him my grades, his face will light up and he would ruffle my hair and say that he was proud of what I have accomplished. He was that kind of person that even with his rough exterior, there was something loving and good underneath.

Mother on the other hand was different. She was very loving person and though some people call her fragile and soft, I knew that underneath my mother was a very strong woman. I sometimes wonder why my mother married my father. They were very different, especially with their likes and dislikes. One time, I saw them dancing on the living room. It was their anniversary and father has just got home after working until late midnight. I thought mother would get angry at him. It was their anniversary after all, but no. My mother just smiled at him and asked for a dance. That was when I saw it. I saw the love that was in their eyes and I knew that it was the reason why my mother married my father. It was because she loved him. The way their eyes would light up whenever they see each other, I knew that it was love. At the same time, I could also see that love being directed at me. The way my mother would smile softly as she reads Thor and I, stories of fantasy and places unknown. The way her melodious laughter would rang in my ear whenever I tell her a joke. The way she bakes those sugar cookies that I love. It only shows how much my family loves me.

Then, there was my big brother Thor.

My mother would always tell me that when I was born, she told Thor that he was a big brother and that meant that he had to take care of me. My brother was only a child himself; only a few years younger than me, but my mother knew he took it at heart. My brave big brother who was always there for me whenever I was hurt or lonely.

Then, one day I learned about the truth.

Thor and I were up in our attic looking for something to play with. As we searched through those dusty boxes, I found documents about my adoption. I also saw a newspaper article about my parents dying on a fire in our home and it was my father who saved me. I didn't knew what to felt during that time. I felt lost, alone and betrayed. How dare they keep something like this from me?

It wasn't until later that I forgave them. I knew that they only thought what was best for me. I knew that my family loved me and it shown through their actions. So, I kept my silence. I didn't gave them any indication that I knew about the truth. I was only afraid about how my most beloved big brother would feel if he knew that I wasn't actually his brother.

Would he be mad?

Would he hate and despise me?

I was afraid of the answer, so I kept my silence.

* * *

_"Brother, would do you like me as your brother?" Loki asked as he peered at Thor over his blanket. They were sleeping again together due to the fact that Loki had a nightmare earlier._

_"Why do you ask?" Came a sleepy reply. Thor rubbed his tired eyes and looked at his brother._

_"Nothing. Just curious is all."_

_Thor smiled sleepily and ruffled his little brother's hair. "Your the best brother I could ever have and I wouldn't trade you for anything else in the entire universe."_

_"Even when i'm cranky sometimes?" Loki said with a worried reply that made Thor chuckle in amusement at his brother's worry. So he snuggled close to his little brother and played as the big brother again._

_"Even if you have cooties."_

_"I don't have cooties, Thor." Loki huffed before shyly replying, "I love you..."_

_"I love you too, little brother."_

* * *

I had a happy and simple life. I could remember that day when Thor took me to our secret hiding place. It was one of my most fondest memory. I could remember the both of us playing the heroes that we always wanted to be when we grow up. Even if we were just playing heroes, all I thought was that as long as there we could manage a little smile on our faces then we'll be alright. We'll still be a family.

On that night, I remember praying to the heavens above. My family wasn't very religious, but somehow the thought of a guardian angel watching over me makes me feel a lot safe. I prayed for the happiness to always stay the same in our family. That the happiness we had would never go away and if the future ahead of us would be painful and sad.

Then, the after the wind changes everything suddenly fell apart. It was something like a calm before the storm. Suddenly, thing began to change. That time when Thor wanted to play with his friends, I knew he didn't wanted me to be there. I was his little brother, I don't think that his friends would like someone like me to hang out with them. But, I was selfish. I wanted to be a little selfish for a little while longer. I knew something would happen soon. I didn't want my brother to leave me, at least not yet, not for a little while.

Things suddenly had gone crazy, but by the time I noticed it... it was already too late.

I was in my bedroom for I had another sickness. Those sickness that I had became more and more frequent lately and I started to feel myself getting more tired each day. I could hear my parent's hushed voices across the room. They were shouting, it had became more recent lately. I knew that they were fighting about me, I didn't like that. I didn't want my parents to fight over me. I could hear some of the words like 'leukemia' 'dying' 'hospital' and I couldn't help but feel afraid. I didn't know what that sickness was, but it left me very afraid. Was I dying? Then, I heard my mother's loud sobs and my father's soothing voice trying to calm her down and for a child like me, I realize the truth.

I was dying.

I felt my world crash down around me. I couldn't be dying. I was just a child? Why am I suppose to the one who dies? Those questions that popped into my head that couldn't be answered by anyone. I felt tears in my eyes as I cried.

What will happen now?

* * *

I was at the hospital and it was getting harder to breath each day. I was waiting for Thor's daily visit here at the hospital. If I were to be honest with myself, I didn't want my family to visit me anymore. I didn't want them to see me like this. Every time they were here, I tried to be more happy and enthusiastic. Acting like I wasn't dying because that was not how I wanted them to see me. So, I kept on smiling and acting like nothing was wrong.

But, I was tired.

The window of my room was open and I could feel the soft whispers of the wind that spoke of a winter night and I trembled at the sound of loneliness that drifted by. But, then I saw my brother's face and suddenly he was by my side. All of those loneliness suddenly vanished away at the sight of my brother. This is why I continued to smile. Why I continued to fight, because I didn't want to see the sadness on my brother's face.

I told him that I wanted to go somewhere that wasn't here and I was glad that he accepted my request even though it pains him. I didn't want to be here. Not at this night. He carried me out of the hospital and I could as we walked together, his breath seems so cold and white.

As I looked at the world that surrounded us, just like every year, this time I see the life started to slip away. Trees that no longer had leaves and flowers that no longer bloom. I couldn't wait until the season of spring arrives. Just like the season that surrounded me, I knew my future was continuing to rot away. I understood my fate from the very start, but I continue to remain strong for I truly wish to continue on living.

I just want to breathe in and be alive. Suddenly, I thought that it would be good if I can leave something behind. Something that says I have lived... a proof of my life. This is why I wanted to be with my brother. I knew that this was my last time, even if it was selfish... I wanted to be with him, to laugh and just forget everything even if it was just for a little while. Though I could no longer express it, I finally knew about those loud emotions hidden deep inside my heart.

_Our hearts will always be connected right?_

It is already dark in here, I can no longer see…

And the silence is deafening … I cannot hear anything.

I'm so afraid; It aches inside and…

I am so alone…

While the frozen world that surrounded me continue to persist to disappear and die, that image of my brother's smiling face remained burning in mind.

I wanted to tell him so many things. That even though we were wrapped up in this world of loneliness, I was always beside him...always will be.

Suddenly, I didn't felt so lonely anymore. His hands were over mine and just like that, he was holding me just like before. His warm hands melted the coldness of my heart, and though I couldn't hear his words, I understood his feelings. The brush of your fingertips conveyed "I'll love you forevermore."

I will dedicate what I have left, and with my last breathe drifted away I told him,

_"Thank you Thor..."_

* * *

_**TBC** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes: Okay! I just wanted to add Loki's POV in this story. Next chapter would be on how Loki's sudden appearance so watch out for it! I actually changed it from THOR to Avengers. You guys would find out later why. Okay, so please review and tell me what you think because I would be happy to see your reactions to this story. For now, Toodles! This chapter is based on the song Proof of Life.


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